When being comfortable stopped being enough

About 1.5 years ago, I left my full-time job at Igalia to work on postmarketOS. But this story really starts a bit earlier, when I realized I couldn't keep splitting my attention between a job I loved and a side project that had grown into an obsession. Once I finally admitted that problem existed, the question then became: what was I going to do about it?

How it started

Back in 2017 I got into postmarketOS because I had these old phones just sitting around and really hated the idea of throwing them away. What started as this personal "let me reuse my junk" project turned into something way bigger. I realized pmOS could actually work across many wildly different types of devices, and with enough effort, it could become something I'd actually feel comfortable recommending to people I care about for better privacy and more control over their devices.

By the time I was working at Igalia, postmarketOS had become way more than just a hobby for me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It kept pulling my attention even when I was supposed to be focused on other things.

The problem

The math was pretty straightforward: full-time job + family time + this thing eating up all my thoughts = something's gotta give. Usually it was sleep. I'd stay up late working on pmOS stuff, then drag through the next day feeling like crap. My mind would wander to pmOS problems during downtime, weekends, basically whenever there was a spare moment.

This wasn't something I could just pick up and put down anymore. It felt way more urgent than the job that was actually paying me. I kept telling myself I could make the part-time thing work. Like maybe if I had better time management somehow, or slept a little less. But honestly, my brain had already made the decision about where to spend its resources... I was just pretending otherwise.

I started getting worried that I was letting Igalia down by having my attention split like this. But at the same time, I felt like I was letting postmarketOS down by only being able to work on it evenings and weekends.

Why it had to happen

The community doing postmarketOS work is incredible. It's hugely community-driven and there are some seriously brilliant people working on it. But I kept having this thought: "someone needs to work on this full-time" and then at some point I realized, oh wait, that someone might be me. I felt like I could contribute something specific that might help things move faster, and trying to do it part-time was just frustrating for me.

The scary part

This was definitely about leaving comfort behind. Stable job, good benefits, predictable income... all that stuff that really matters when you've got a family depending on you. Stability isn't just "nice to have" - it's actually a responsibility.

I was scared for a bunch of reasons. I really liked the folks at Igalia and didn't want to let them down. But I also worried I might be letting them down anyway by having my attention split. Then there was this other fear: what if I wouldn't actually feel productive working full-time on something that everyone else basically does as a hobby in their spare time? I didn't want to make this big decision and then just feel like I was sitting at home wasting time all day.

The optics were kinda weird too. "Quit my job to do a hobby thing full time" probably looked like early retirement to some people, which definitely wasn't how I felt about it.

When I finally talked to my family about what I was thinking, I came prepared. I'd done all the financial math to show this wasn't completely insane. Obviously there's always risk with stuff like this, but I figured I hadn't burned any bridges at previous jobs, so maybe there was some remote chance they'd take me back if things went badly. Though I really didn't want to have to test that theory. My family was supportive either way, and I'm very lucky to have them.

The months leading up to actually deciding were pretty stressful. I felt bad about even having to make this choice, even though all the pressure was just coming from me. Once I finally made the decision though, telling Igalia was scary but also kinda relieving at the same time.

The leap itself

I agreed to stick around for a few weeks to wrap up the projects I was working on. Those weeks felt really weird. My last day seemed like this distant thing until suddenly it wasn't. Then I kinda panicked because I wasn't sure this was the right choice and it felt like there was no going back. But on my actual last day? I felt somewhat at ease. This was the right decision, and I'd figure it out one day at a time.

Fast-forward 1.5 years

I can finally give postmarketOS the attention it was demanding all along. The work is hard, resources are super limited, and progress feels slow sometimes. But I can actually sleep at night now and I'm not mentally split between two different things anymore.

Some days are definitely harder than others though. Working alone can get pretty isolating. Most pmOS contributors are in Europe, and there's nobody local to where I am. Sometimes it's hard to focus on specific tasks when I'm the one directing my own work, though there are benefits to that too. I get to work almost exclusively on stuff I actually want to work on, which is pretty nice.

Other challenges just come from us being this small, new project... like networking with other projects, coordinating with contributors, and figuring out how to work together effectively. So much of what we do depends on volunteers being motivated to help out, so I've had to get way more patient overall (though not perfectly patient lol... I'm trying!) Just about everything I do is public, so I've had to learn to be more mindful of how my actions might be perceived, and whether they'll bring in contributors or drive them away.

My whole definition of success has changed. It's not about promotions or raises anymore. Success for me now is feeling good about what I worked on, feeling like I'm actually helping move things along, and getting recognition from colleagues and peers that I'm doing good work. Chris Hadfield mentioned in his book, an Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth, that he tries to "be a zero" - basically to be competent and reliable without being a hero or a problem. That really resonates with me now.

Yeah, the financial reality is what it is... I'm privileged to have saved enough to make this possible, and some days that weighs on me more than others. But I haven't had a single day where I thought "I should go back." I've felt productive almost every day. Actually, I usually have to force myself to take breaks because I get into this productivity flow and don't want to break my focus 😅.

For anyone else

If something similar is eating up all your thoughts, you probably already know what I'm talking about. Sometimes I wish I had done this sooner, but I try not to make it a habit to regret decisions. I mean, I try to make the best decisions I can with the info I have at the time. If new info comes along later that shows my decision was bad, that's not really my fault.

If I could tell my past self from two years ago anything, it would be: trust yourself, you've got this. You have a great shot at making this work, and even if it doesn't work out, you'll learn some valuable stuff along the way and I'm pretty confident you'll land on your feet.

I still don't know how this all ends, but so far it's working out better than I expected.